向井秀徳/ZAZEN BOYS/NUMBER GIRL
Sonic the Hedgehog
Funny Stuff + Opinions
Etc. Sometimes NSFW
★This is a personal blog!
★I don't own anything on this blog unless stated otherwise. Contact me if you want something gone!
There comes a point for every POC, after you have “awakened” to the virulent and systematic nature of your own oppression and that of others, after which your life simply will never be the same. Everything from your life beforehand is called into question—things you said and did, the words and lessons of your parents, and BS societal motifs like the “American Dream” and America being “the land of opportunity” as well. All of these things are suddenly cast in doubt because you just didn’t get it then, and hindsight truly is 20/20.
At this point, too, even the friendships you made during that time require reexamination. “Best” friends you had from beforehand are suddenly evaluated on whether or not they actually get these issues or not.
And then there comes a scary point when you realize that the vast majority of them actually do not.
And as you continue to peer backward, a haunting realization slowly creeps up your back, telling you that those friendships can and will never be the same. The closeness you shared so deeply will be swapped for distance. The support and love you had nurtured over years will slowly turn to ambivalence. Those friendships will not be what they once were in light of your awakening, and as painful as your awakening has already been, it will now also require you to leave behind many of your close friends as well.
As if the pain of oppression wasn’t hard enough already.
But at the same time as you are realizing all of these things, you know that having your awakening was still arguably the most important moment in your life. You know that you’re starting to understand these issues, and how they fit in your life and that of others both like and unlike you. You know that you are standing on the side of justice and up against what is just fundamentally wrong and unjust in the world. And you know that your conviction and love for doing good will be able to carry you through that painful transition at the end of the day, as you slowly find a new community of people who actually do get it and care about these issues as much as people should.
Holy shit you explained this perfectly.
“Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end.
And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.”
“Giving birth with the amniotic sac intact is called a “veiled birth.” It is very rare but it is possible. It is less painful because the water cushions the baby’s head, meaning less bruising for both of you. Don’t worry about the baby drowning, he or she will not take a first breath until he/she hits the air for the first time, and the placenta will continue to provide oxygen until that happens.”
this shit’s so cool
AND superstition says that being born with a veil opens your eyes and mind up to some serious supernatural shit. my boyfriend was born with a “veil over his eyes” and he sees ghosts. NO LIE. there’s a ghost in my house and i told him but i never told him what she looks like. but the first time he came to my house, he saw her and described her the exact same way i remember. o.O
This is w/the membranes intact. The sac of water hadn’t broken yet. C-section births have this sometimes. Sometimes, babies born vaginally have part of the membranes over their faces. Old Grannies call it a “caul” or “veil”. Those little ones are said to be born w/the Gift of Sight. One of my aunts was born like that. It’s real, y’all.
Wowwww!!!! That’s incredible. The baby looks safe and good too, just in that baby sac lol. I never knew that about them saying that about the veil. Like I’ve heard that but I don’t think I realized what the veil is. All those sayings about being behind or seeing behind the veil. Huh!
“C-section births have this sometimes.”
I’m really curious about whether or not I was born like this cause it would explain a LOT.
Last week at an apartment party in Chicago’s Andersonville neighborhood on the North side, I whipped out my iPhone 5, told the folks at the gathering to press together, and clicked away. Simple act, happens at least a hundred times a day, and I completed the ritual by posting the picture to my instagram and linking it to my Facebook account. But, before I could put the camera away I heard a friend joke, read, throw a little shade (?) my way and say:
“Watch, tomorrow there will be like five picture of himself up there.”
Yes, guilty as charged, I am a selfie. One of those annoying people who take tons of self-pictures. Declaring to the world that I look good and you know it. This is so true that the same friend had earlier brought up the topic with me; apparently he and another friend occasionally discussed my self-pictures. My narcissism flagged alarm. But, here is the thing:
No one ever asked me, “Why do you take so many selfies?”
I mean, I am not traditionly phine, cute, or awkwardly endearing. I am fat. Daaaaaark. My nose is wide. My hair is kinky ( a biracial friend once used my hair texture to describe to a white stranger what “bad hair” is, apparently any hair that can kink up; mind you, at the time my hair was short, combed, and nap-free but I digress). My eyebrows are not plucked, and I swear my pores are visible. But this is the point.
I live in a world where this is celebrated and attainable:
*insert pictures of well-toned and muscular black men*
I could go on, but you get the point. That is beautiful. No argument there; they may all be assembly line phine, but they are each phine. I even fail on quirk level:
*insert picture of quirky black vintage blipsters*
now note: I have limited the photos to black men; the reality is that in the GAYme of Trones, white boys tend to be the Lannisters (the most powerful, most often desired, and the ones most likely to toss their beauty privilege around), but I just figured for once we could focus on just us.
I take my selfies because I am that guy who, unless he takes the picture or suggests it, doesn’t get his picture taken. My friend who asked, truthfully had very little right to judge; everyone takes pictures of him, with him, and for him. The same is true of almost all my friends. I live in a world where I didn’t hear someone romantically call me beautiful and desirable till I was 26. I live in a world where either body privilege or race privilege is always against me. So I point my camera at my face, most often when I am alone, and possibly bored, and I click; I upload it to instagram, and I hold my breath because the world is cruel and I am what some would call ugly, but I don’t see it. At first I clicked so I could see what others saw, but I don’t. So now I click and post and breathe, waiting for others to see what I see: beautiful dark skin, Afrika’s son, a dream un-deferred, pretty eyes,and nice lips, and a nose that fits my face; I want them, you, to see that I am human, and there is a reason why I got to this size, but I owe you no explanation or justification for any part of my existence I owe you no explanation or justification for my smile or my swag or my selfie. Hell I didn’t even owe you this.
Like I said, I owe you nothing, but I owe myself everything.
- Both partners are supportive of what the other partner does
- Both partners encourage the other to try new things
- Both partners listen to the other
- Both partners are well liked by the other’s friends
- Both partners understands that the other has their own life
- Both partners gives the other their space
- Both partners understand that the other is in charge of their body and appearance
- Both partners may get jealous sometimes, but in the end trusts the other.
- Both partners respect the other and their beliefs and interests
- Both partners takes responsibility for their own mistakes
- Both partners makes the other feel loved and desirable
- Both partners would never harm or threaten the other or a family or friend
- Both partners would be understanding if the other decided to leave the relationship, although they may be upset.
- Both partners respect the other’s belongings and would never hurt their pets
- Both partners careful to not hurt the other without consent
- Both partners may get angry or have mood swings but would never take it out on the other and controls themselves around their partner
- Both partners always asks for consent and respects the first no. Sex is never expected in the relationship
- Both partners focus on healthy communication to work out problems
- Both partners may use drugs or alcohol recreationally but they would never use that as an excuse to hurt the other, do not become more violent while using, and would never force it on another.
- Both partners care about the other’s feelings and tries to help when they’re upset
- Both partners respects personal boundaries
- Both partners stand up for the other if they are being hurt in some way
- Both partners may offer constructive advice but also offers encouragement and knows that it is your decision and loves you regardless
- Both partners have equal power in the relationships
- Both partners know the other’s expectations and meets them
- Both partners know the other’s boundaries and always obeys those boundaries
- Both partners avoid codependency and live their own lives
- Both partners would never manipulate or threaten the other into certain behavior
- When a problem is brought up both people work to fix it and if one promises to change a behavior they keep that promise
- Both partners take the other’s concerns seriously
- Both partners respect the other’s privacy
- Both partners talk about money and have developed a system they are both comfortable with
- Both partners discuss what they want from the relationship and go as slow as is fitting to both of their boundaries and desires for the relationship
- Both partners talk about it before they make the decision to have a child and the communicate about what they would do if there was an unplanned pregnancy and they talk about birth control and contraceptives.
- Both partners have time for their friends, family, school, jobs or other aspects of their lives and do sometimes spend time apart
- Neither partner is afraid of the other.
- Both partners feel supported in following their goals
- Both partners are happy with their sex lives and feel secure and treated fairly.
- Any big changes in the relationship are discussed firts.Relationships are difficult and they take work. It’s not going to be perfect and things will happen that will make a partner feel bad. We all make mistakes. It’s important to recognize those mistakes and how it is damaging behavior and change that behavior. Communication is so very important! It’s important that everyone is involved in the relationship, getting their needs met, feels comfortable and safe, and feels like they can be honest. If that’s not happening, something has to change. Sometimes people just aren’t good for each other, and that’s okay! Breakups can be hard but sometimes they are necessarily. A healthy relationship can have any structure and can be between any group of people. It can be polyamorous, non monogamous, BDSM, kinky, involve mental health conditions and many more.